Cancer Sucks

Well, the title of this post pretty much says it all.
This is not a rant as much as it is me shaking my fist at a fucking shitty disease that kills so many of our loved ones; a disease that after all the advances in modern medicine, we still dont have a handle on.
I went looking for some answers about this because its good to be educated and its important to "know thyne enemy". I found this, which is really great:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/CANCER-SUCKS/42304507219

and I was infuriated when I found this:
"A comprehensive, nationwide review found that nearly 4 in 10 patients with stage I pancreatic cancer who are candidates for surgery are not offered this option, even though it has a demonstrated survival benefit."
http://www.cancer.gov/ncicancerbulletin/NCI_Cancer_Bulletin_062607/page4#b

WTF is that about? A relative of mine died of panceatic cancer after a long, painful struggle and after finding this I felt fucking sick to my stomach. She was diagnosed early and they DID NOT offer surgery as an option BUT they did do MONTHS of tests and let the progression of the disease continue unfettered until surgery was NOT an option. They elected to do Chemotherapy instead. I dont reacall ANY of the Oncologists saying anything about surgical resection until it was too late and by then the tumor was surrounding the vessels in her midsection. This pisses me off as you can imagine. WTF is that? This is a fucking travesty. People, you need to get educated and ask questions of your health providers! You can say NO to anything they offer you and you can INSIST on looking into other solutions when necessary. You can demand explanations and alternatives in courses of treatment! If the health care professional you are working with is not able to assist you in doing what you need to do, FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL!! Its your life so demand what you need of these people, they are here to serve your health. Lets not let them forget that!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pancreatic_cancer
This is a good resource for any of you who want to check it out.

and folks, smoking is the leading cause of most cancers so we need to cut that shit out RIGHT FUCKING NOW. I mean it, it will get you. It will.

We love you and miss you Di. I promise I wont shut up about this untill we figure out a cure. I am sorry we couldnt help you. See you.

L8er all.

MouthDragon

GOD! GOD! WHY!

Well, before I launch into yet another nonsensical rant about something or other, I'll just mention that I will be leaving Winnipeg for a time and so I have been all the more keenly aware about how fucked this city is. This does not mean I do not enjoy this place, au contraire, I do love it. I love it like everyone loves The Littlest Hobo. No one really watched that show and no one REALLY misses it and still, we think of it fondly. That poor fucking hopeless mutt.

Anyway, what I've really noticed lately is how many complete and utter bargain basement weirdos there are in this town. Add to that all the spaztic downtowners, the "a few prawns short of a galaxy" transit riders and general other assorted hygenically challenged wackjobs, mouthbreathers and run on sentence nerds and we gots ourselves a family here! Seriously, this place has the most burnouts and nutjobs per capita, for reals.

I just googled "mouthbreather" and the image results were a bit disappointing. I know that you know and I also know you know I know what i'm talking about so, ok.......

I'm on the bus this aft. Just finished a grueling, brutal, 3 exam marathon, when into the seat beside me slides the mustachioed mouthbreather to end all mouthbreathers. Hes the Grand PooBah of them all and hes wearing blue blockers. Hes got on onion skin shorts two sizes too small and a football jersey. Mid shin tube socks and velcro runners.
For one brief, terrifying moment before he sat and my eyes happened to be level with the front of his shorts I swear, I saw a nut hangin' loose. So ok, I think i've established the visual for you here and yes, it was shocking. Terrifying even. Part of me wanted to laugh hysterically. I was all over the map emotionally.
So the MouthDragon sits down all nonplussed with his nut resting securely on the seat fabric beside me and proceeds to "drop the jaw". And GOD! GOD! The fumes exiting this guy were fucking FEROCIOUS. I mean unbelievably TOXIC. He was grumbling somekind of sea chanty I think and the stench from the cryhole on this guy was eyewatering. Other people were actually looking around.
By this time, I had crammed myself up into the tiniest ball like a yogi trying to get himself inside a 2 foot by 2 foot plexiglass box so as to avoid not being killed by the toxic wate dump that was this guys breath. I am not even exaggerating here people. I'm almost CONCERNED for the guy. That is not normal. At this moment, I am also thinking, "There is no way. There is no WAY I can continue to sit here in this cloud of death all the way to St. Boniface." There was no chance I was going to remove my hand from in front of my face so I calmly turn, while pinching my nose shut and croak "''scuse me" at him while trying not to stumble over my feet getting the fuck out of there. I think I was pretty graceful considering the circumstances.

Anyway, Yeah! I'm SO going to miss the freakazoids and public transit here in Winnipeg! Keep it real for me! Be Back soon!
xoxo

3 Best Things About Being a Teenager.....

1) The Ramones



2) Masturbation



3) Bush Parties

Gayest thing I saw today....

LORD HELP US

I saw this gangsta uberloser on the bus with a shirt like this today. This one is actually cooler (if thats even fucking possible) than the one this idiot had on. WTF is the obsession with Scarface and dressing like giant babies? Dont they know he wanted to fuck his own sister? The guy did so much coke in that movie that the only thing Ones bowels are capable of after that is allowing One to shit like a garden hose turned on full blast. I guess thats why they wear fucking saggy ass pants like they do. They are basically diarrhea catchers.

Let me clear my throat...

Alright, you assholes. Let get this sorted out now, once and for all.
The meaning of global warming should not, NOT, be taken literally to the nth degree. If you dont know anything about something, before you go blahblahblahing your ignorant BS all over the place, take a minute to learn about what the hell you are talking about. Its common sense, unless, you actually want to sound like a total moron. If thats your bag, then have at it and also fuck off - I'm not interested.
So, lets have a lesson here, shall we? Alright then.
There are lots of complicated graphs and shit based on oodles of research regarding the earth's atomospheric temperature and what all that means overtime etc, etc. Dont fucking freak out, I'm not going to subject you to any of the complicated, intricate manifestations on the subject, so calm down.
Here is what you need to know:
Global warming is defined as an increase in the average temperature of the earth's atmosphere (especially a sustained increase that causes climatic changes). If you want to dispute or argue this definition, you can have a word with the folks at Princeton, who I'm pretty sure are smarter than you.
Now then. We know that its called "global warming" but that means its an OVERALL increase you fucktards, an average does not mean that we are now going to be subjected to boiling hot summer temperatures and balmy winters, instantaneously. Quit expecting that to happen. It makes you sound/look ignorant. The world is a huge fucking place if you hadnt already noticed. OK, OK - I'll give you credit for thinking that maybe global warming is not a particularly succinct phrase for what we are experiencing but, jeesus, do we have to spell it out for you? Do we have to go and call it Average Global Temperature Increase Mostly Up There or Global Weird Weather for you to get fucking educated on the topic? If I hear one more fucking redneck say something like "Global warming, yah right! Its June and there is frost on the ground, whats up with that?" I am going to become critical mass here and destroy you stupid bastards. OK, I am breathing in and I am going to explain this ONE TIME , so listen up.
An average atmospheric temerature increase fucks shit up all over the place, especially if it extends over a long period of time. It causes changes in the ocean (DUH), which causes changes in currents and weather patterns. It contributes to melting of polar icecaps etc. It is not meant to be taken literally, like, oh, Global Warming means good news for Winnipeg - it'll be warmer here and shorter winters STARTING RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Ok geniuses, I ask you - is that what we're experiencing? No. Its screwing with everything overall, over sustained periods of time. So before you go burning us all in hell with your awesome temperature increases in summer and short, pleasant winters, READ A BOOK about it or use your fucking computer to find out more. Don't tell me you cant cause you're reading my rant here so I know you have a basic knowledge of the innerweb. USE IT FOOLS.
If you cant say anything correct, dont say anything at all. Or go ask your Mum.

Over and out, gaylords.

PS FYI: These are funny. Whe you say shit like this, its not.

• Media mogul Ted Turner said that global warming would turn us into cannibals.
• Scotland’s Daily Mirror has reported that the Lock Nest Monster (Nessie) may be dead because of global warming.
• The Associated Press has reported that global warming will cause an increase in the price of beer.
• According to USAToday.com, giant pythons – big enough to eat alligators and people in a single mouthful – will be living in one-third of continental U.S. as a result of global warming.
• The Globe and Mail reported that there will be an increase in people with kidney stones over the next 30 years because of global warming.
• The Guardian reported that whales are significantly skinnier because of global warming.
• The Guardian reported that an increase in fatal shark attacks was the result of global warming.
• CNSNews.com reported that the 1993 crash of a U.S. military helicopter in Mogadishu (”Black Hawk Down”) should be blamed on global warming.
• National Geographic reported that baby penguins froze to death in July because of global warming.
• The Daily Mail reported that killer stingrays will invade the beaches of England because of global warming.

Movies about snakes are stupid

I call bullshit on movies about giant snakes. They're just stupid.
I submit the following examples:

Two words: Tara Reid. nuff said.



The only way the above could possibly be any worse is in a senario like: giant snake versus a washed up LA rapper and a delusional pop diva/actress (whose performance in other screen jems like Gili were the stuff nightmares are made of).
Its also stars Jon Voight, Owen Wilson and Eric Stoltz. Wow! Its like watching an actor's professional life explode before your very eyes! AND its a SERIES. A FUCKING SERIES ABOUT GIANT SNAKES! WHAT???!!!
P.S. They just made a 4th one!


Uh ok. If it wasnt already gay enough for you, this one is about a giant, ancient ice snake. Laying in wait. Christ.


OOOOOHHHH, look! Its the battle royale of the worst CGI ever.
GET READY TO RUMBLE. Wrestlemania fans can BLOW ME.


Yeah. ok, already. We get it. THEY WERE A GIANT MAN MADE MISTAKE.
A bit preachy, no?


Just released to video - directly!
Luke Perry! Tom Beringer! All I can do with this one is just laugh my ass off.
I bet these guys are drunk in a bar right now bawling about how shitty this movie is and the fucking pathetic state of their careers.


And...the piece de resistance:


Whatever shred of cred Samuel L. had, he flushed down the crapper with this piece of shit. Arguably, it was already long gone, but this is the clincher. No amount of yelling MOTHERFUCKER at everyone is going to save him now.

Cupcake? Fuck off, already.

Seriously, can everyone just calm down? Its just a fucking cupcake! I dont have anything against cupcakes as a legit dessert option; they're kinda nice at a birthday party, but for fuckssakes! DO WE NEED WHOLE STORES DEVOTED TO THEM? What are they, a religion or something? Lets just get this shit under control people. I'm serious. Its a cupcake. Its not the best thing since sliced bread. I mean, look at these bloody headlines! A bit overboard wouldn't you say?

Cupcake craze to continue?

Cupcake Craze: Not Just for Kids Anymore

Cupcakes Take The Cake: Celebrity cupcake craze

Rising up to meet the cupcake craze

Sweet Success: Cupcake Craze Sweeps the Nation

Will Cupcakes Be the Next Krispy Kreme?

Its like they're the cure for cancer or something. Fuck you Martha Stewart, fuck you. This is the real reason you should be in jail.