GOD! GOD! WHY!
Well, before I launch into yet another nonsensical rant about something or other, I'll just mention that I will be leaving Winnipeg for a time and so I have been all the more keenly aware about how fucked this city is. This does not mean I do not enjoy this place, au contraire, I do love it. I love it like everyone loves The Littlest Hobo. No one really watched that show and no one REALLY misses it and still, we think of it fondly. That poor fucking hopeless mutt.
Anyway, what I've really noticed lately is how many complete and utter bargain basement weirdos there are in this town. Add to that all the spaztic downtowners, the "a few prawns short of a galaxy" transit riders and general other assorted hygenically challenged wackjobs, mouthbreathers and run on sentence nerds and we gots ourselves a family here! Seriously, this place has the most burnouts and nutjobs per capita, for reals.
I just googled "mouthbreather" and the image results were a bit disappointing. I know that you know and I also know you know I know what i'm talking about so, ok.......
I'm on the bus this aft. Just finished a grueling, brutal, 3 exam marathon, when into the seat beside me slides the mustachioed mouthbreather to end all mouthbreathers. Hes the Grand PooBah of them all and hes wearing blue blockers. Hes got on onion skin shorts two sizes too small and a football jersey. Mid shin tube socks and velcro runners.
For one brief, terrifying moment before he sat and my eyes happened to be level with the front of his shorts I swear, I saw a nut hangin' loose. So ok, I think i've established the visual for you here and yes, it was shocking. Terrifying even. Part of me wanted to laugh hysterically. I was all over the map emotionally.
So the MouthDragon sits down all nonplussed with his nut resting securely on the seat fabric beside me and proceeds to "drop the jaw". And GOD! GOD! The fumes exiting this guy were fucking FEROCIOUS. I mean unbelievably TOXIC. He was grumbling somekind of sea chanty I think and the stench from the cryhole on this guy was eyewatering. Other people were actually looking around.
By this time, I had crammed myself up into the tiniest ball like a yogi trying to get himself inside a 2 foot by 2 foot plexiglass box so as to avoid not being killed by the toxic wate dump that was this guys breath. I am not even exaggerating here people. I'm almost CONCERNED for the guy. That is not normal. At this moment, I am also thinking, "There is no way. There is no WAY I can continue to sit here in this cloud of death all the way to St. Boniface." There was no chance I was going to remove my hand from in front of my face so I calmly turn, while pinching my nose shut and croak "''scuse me" at him while trying not to stumble over my feet getting the fuck out of there. I think I was pretty graceful considering the circumstances.
Anyway, Yeah! I'm SO going to miss the freakazoids and public transit here in Winnipeg! Keep it real for me! Be Back soon!
xoxo
